Apologizing to myself

It is compulsory I think, for me to apologize to myself for distancing (is there any such word???) my own blog with less and less updates each month. I know I kept on giving such shame and literally lame excuses for not doing so (I mean posting new entries - as I just could not make up one good excuse). Supposed, this month - my birthday month, Raya and so on - I should have came out with numerous stories to jot in here. On the contrary, I kept myself busy by reading and following others' blogs. Anyways, let's see what happened this few weeks from different angles:

1 >>> L.O.V.E.




This is a much long awaited updates to me as day in day out I always have an intention to write something about it, but at the same time I keep on hesitating for no reason.
I feel like the feelings inside me is growing and growing on daily basis; which is a positive progress (I desperately hope it is). However at the same time, the jealousy, the worries and anything related to those feelings are getting more and more intense over time as well. I think the graph should be like this:


So, is it good or is it bad? I've confronted this matter to him, the response went well. I mean he understands my situation, my feelings. It's normal he said, but all I have to do is to control the negative vibes so that the relationship sails smoothly.
Other than that, we have started our search for the place we will live (together forever) soon when we are officially a unit (hubby-wifey). Great and sweet isn't it? Yeay, I think so. But please do not freak out, the process is just really really at the first stage only. Not even gone through the loan / EPF process.
But, all in all, I think I'm ready, BRING IT ON!!


2 >>> F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P.


It is quite sad to realize that my point-number-one phenomena above has indirectly affected my relationship with my BFFs. I am not sure whether they have sensed the distances, but at least that's how I feel at the moment. It is based on whatever happened during my celebration of Eid. The way he reacted and everything - has crossed my mind that maybe he is the type of a boyfriend who longs for his girlfriend all the time. Ok, no doubt he still let me hang out (guess what, instead of 'out', firstly I unintentionally typed 'up' - so it becomes 'hang UP' - sorry BFF) with my BFF but the reaction to it that worries me the most. I'm trying not to sound bad because I still believe he's not that type of guy, but somehow or rather, I still have some worries; somehow.
Last week, my BFFs have discussed about another get-together. Huh, if the plan goes according to plan within this or next week(I wish it does), I hope he can be the most understanding person on Earth!

Notes to my BFFs, you guys still rawks!!! Love you till the end of the world!!!

3 >>> S.T.U.D.Y.



Huh, the most boring-est thing to talk about right now. There was some points last week that it has struck my mind to differ this semester. So, you must able to imagine the level of de-motivation that I'm holding into right now, right? Last week was the due date for my 2nd assignments. To my own surprise, I even got the nerves to ask my tutor for an extension! That's how bad and disoriented my studies and time-management are - seriously! Darn it!!
I do not want to relate all this negativity to the fact that I'm now a non-single person. No, never do I will do that - ngeeeee~~ But seriously, it's the usual ups and downs feeling that I encounter each and every semester. So, I'm really not going to care what my results will be this end-semester. I mean, I choose to!


4 >>> W.O.R.K.

Nothing much to say these days. I mean, I'm getting busier and busier - which is to a positive turn, I guessed. Unlike before, I just sat around; browsing through my tumblr and developing new hobby; reading blogs. ...And, to relate every single angle of my lil' updates here to my boyfriend, guess what - he's applying for a job here - in my office, we'll be in the same office if he gets the offer!!
Ok, I'm calming myself down right now. Anyways, I've just started to get to know my colleagues here. I know it is rather slow for me, but that's just me - difficult to mix around.
And, they all just love to order Nasi Ambang and Lontong Kering Kak Siah. And my boyfriend scolded me for not taking any profits out of it, ngee~~

Well, that's about it. I guessed I just have to wait for him to pick me up now while doing nothing as I do not have anymore ideas to jot down anything anymore.

So, me signing off ~~

raya.raya.raya

I was having a blast blessed raya especially based on the event I attended yesterday – I mean, finally! Me, Shaz, Tina, Ayu were visiting each other’s houses– well actually they visited mine the day before.

I recall this song:

“setahun hanya sekali, merayakan hari yang mulia ini”

However I got my own perspective of celebrating hari raya, as follows:

“setahun, hanya sebulan, namun setahun hanya sekali berpeluang berjumpa dengan saudara mara dan sahabat handai” (do not sing as this one got no tempo at all. It does not mean for singing, it is just my definition, people!!)

Ok, let’s begin with yesterday

Yesterday was:

1. Awesome; as finally we managed to do something according to plan. I believe it is now getting harder and harder for us to reunite. Tina - she’s a wifey already, Shaz – she’s busy even though people might think that she got the best carrier in the world, Ayu – well, she’s getting married, me – no comment.

2. Not so awesome for me; as I totally behaved (betul ke past tense ni, rasa cam lain macam) like a typical Melayu – turned up almost an hour late! Didn’t mean to say anything negative about my own race, but it is just perspective yang typical only. For that I would like to publicly apologize to my BFFs.

3. Great; as finally we’ve got the chance to visit Tina’s new house and Shaz’s new apartment in group. Obviously, they are all very jealous of me (or at least I think they are) because yesterday was my third time to Shaz’s (because it was for the first time for Tina).

4. Inspiring; as we were reminiscing our good old times back when we were in high school. And sometimes, we came across something that we’d never know or realized before – GREAT!!

5. Totally best; as we are still friends and contacting each other despite all the commitments we may or may not have. SUPERBeLLICIOUS!!!

*Pic courtesy of Shaz Pic was stolen from Shaz’s collection in Facebook

Those were yesterday. My first raya was:

1. =( ; as only my Pak Ngah and family and Pak Cu turned up this year. Such a small family like ours – it was pathetic (I know, my relative may read this, but honestly this is how I feel) – though on raya-3 or 4 we got to meet each other, finally (hmm..)

2. =( ; as I waited the whole day for my family to visit us, but in vain until I felt asleep few times.

3. =( ; of course sedih coz for the first time me berjauhan dengan yang tersayang (but I still feel great about it as I know he was having fun with his relatives at his kampong)

On a lighter note, this raya was a bit different compared any other raya before as; for the first time me raya with status “in a relationship”. First time, indeed.

That’s it for Raya entry. Ok, ok I know, a lot of grammatical error, kan?? Ntah, rasa awkward lak nak tulis ari ni. Rasa semua serba tak kena. In fact, most of the time I hit ‘backspace’ throughout this entry (in fact #2, few times I hit ‘backspace’ in order to get the right spelling for throughout, napa eq??)

…bersambung, raya tahun depan : 1432

I'm sorry my dear~~

Huhuhu..

Sayang.. sorry I terbuat u malu tadik. Didn't mean to, I swear
Cuma, sifat clumsy I has made me acted the way I did just now, sayang
Sorry sangat..



Hu, risau I kalau i always keep on embarrassing you lah sayang.. al-maklum, you kan macam YB
I promise, I'll behave ye sayang~~

//yours